The wisdom in saying NO!
When Jesus speaks about the laws concerning oaths in the Sermon on the Mount, He says, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 NKJV. Jesus was speaking to be firm in the words that we speak. The clarity in our words brings an emphasis on our standing. This applies to relationships, spirituality and even in all walks of our lives. If we don’t speak with clarity, the listener won’t be able to comprehend what we really meant.
Maybe, it is not a No. To neutralize a scenario we prefer to say maybe or let me see, instead of emphatically conveying our stand. When you are in a situation to say No:
1. Say it directly: This could bring pain and anger to the other person or even it could lead to false allegations as well, as they think if we acted so rudely. But, there are scenarios where we have to be bold enough to defend ourselves and speak bluntly without giving another person a chance to manipulate our thought process.
The prime example we could quote in here is Joseph. “But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, and he has committed all that he has to my hand. There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?”” Genesis 39:8-9 NKJV. Joseph’s no was firm and was grounded on his convictions regarding sin and his relationship with God. He knew his influence and freedom in the house, but he valued his commitment to God more than his privilege in the household.
Our no to sin must never depend on our circumstances, influences, privilege or where you are grounded, it’s a personal covenant that we should make with God to shun evil and live in holiness for His glory.
2. Take time in prayer and seek His guidance: Sometimes it is hard to respond to certain requests immediately. For those scenarios, make sure to give the other person a time frame for your response and pray regarding the request. Seek His perfect will. Pray that no emotionalism should blind you from seeing the perfect plan of God. Seek guidance in speaking to the other person regarding the matter as well- to get the right words to make them convinced about your conviction.
We could add Baalam as an illustration here even though he accepted the Moabites to stay with him without asking God. “So Balaam rose in the morning and said to the princes of Balak, “Go back to your land, for the Lord has refused to give me permission to go with you.”” Numbers 22:13 NKJV. We can see that he was speaking to the Moabites just as God had commanded him. “The LORD has refused to give me permission to go with you” is a strong sense of NO from the LORD for him. Though he heard the LORD, he drifted from God’s perfect will as he was tempted by the circumstance and we know how it ended for him. Our No must be strong and must not waver due to the temptations of this world. If we are breaking the boundaries set by God for temporary pleasures, we are deviating from His perfect will for our lives.
3. Show your boundaries and explain the no: Sometimes it is good to explain your boundaries. (We’ll discuss in detail about this later). This includes your Kingdom priorities, preference, standards of holiness, conviction about Christian living, and your wisdom through divine help. This might not make sense completely to the other person, but make sure you stick to your boundaries founded in His word and guidance.
“But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies, nor with the wine which he drank; therefore he requested of the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.” Daniel 1:8 NKJV. The only reason for Daniel’s rejection was founded on his strong determination not to defile himself! The ancient Hebrew word defile carries the thought of polluting or staining (see also Isaiah 59:3, Zephaniah 3:1, and Malachi 1:7). He explained the spiritual basis for his request. He didn’t make it seem that he wanted to avoid the king’s food out of other reasons or of no reasons. “Daniel and his friends considered the king’s food defiled for at least three reasons. First, it undoubtedly was not kosher. Second, it was probably sacrificed to idols. Third, eating the king’s food implied fellowship with Babylon’s cultural system.” (Enduring Word). Daniel’s conviction was not to conform to the patterns of the culture, but to be different from others.
So, we can conclude all the three-points as- flee from sin, seek His wisdom and know our identity. The basis of our No’s must also be these three factors. “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.” Psalm 1:1-2 NKJV
